Granger Smith’s wife, Amber Smith, is opening up about a devastating chapter in their lives.
The 46-year-old former country star and 42-year-old actress suffered a tragedy in 2019 when their 3-year-old son River drowned in the pool outside their Texas home.
Granger previously revealed in his 2023 memoir “Like a River” that he almost took his own life after reaching one of his lowest points following the loss of his son.
In her forthcoming memoir “The Girl on the Bathroom Floor,” Amber recounted the harrowing night of Granger’s near-suicide attempt from her perspective, detailing how her husband “put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth.” She also said that he told her years later how close he was to pulling the trigger.
“He was out with the guys in Boise, Idaho, one night after a show,” Amber began in an excerpt of the book published by People magazine on Thursday.
COUNTRY MUSIC SINGER GRANGER SMITH TURNED TO FAITH DURING DARKEST TIMES: ‘IT SAVED MY LIFE’
“They walked over to the local bar, laughed, and told old stories, all while drinking more than he had since River died,” she continued. “When the evening wrapped up, he found himself drunkenly walking back to his tour bus alone.”
Amber wrote that when Granger returned, he struggled to get onto the tour bus as he couldn’t recall the door code – a set of numbers he had pressed hundreds of times.
Once inside the bus, Granger “realized the severity of the situation” because he “hadn’t been drunk in a really long time.”
“Fearing that this would cause all the emotions and pain to come flooding back, he quickly grabbed for the weed pen and took a hit, hoping it would bring him out of his drunken state a bit, but nothing changed,” Amber wrote.
Amber described how her husband became overwhelmed by the “slideshow” of tormenting mental images of their son’s final moments.
“Visions of River facedown in the pool assaulted his thoughts and lies pierced his conscience that he was a failure as a father, that he had let River down,” she continued. “In a moment of utter despair, he fumbled for the gun he kept in the drawer by his bed for safety on the road, aiming to end the pain.”
“That night my sweet, incredible husband, the wonderful father of my kids, put a cold Glock 9mm into his mouth.”
Amber shared that she is still wrestling with grief over her husband’s struggle with suicide during that dark moment.
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“I cry even typing this,” she wrote. “It breaks my heart that he felt like this was the only way out. I wish I had known. I wish I could have grabbed him, shaken him, and said, ‘You’re a good father! I love you! We’ve got this! This isn’t the way!’
“But I didn’t have to,” she continued. “By the sheer grace of God, Granger became aware that the voice quietly telling him to pull the trigger wasn’t his own. He realized suddenly that he was under attack. He was engulfed in spiritual warfare.”
Amber wrote that Granger, who is now a minister, turned to his faith during that moment of crisis.
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“He did the only thing he knew to do, crying out, ‘Jesus, save me! Save me, please, Jesus, save me!’” she wrote in the book. “In that moment of crying out to God, the visions suddenly stopped, the gun slipped out of his hand and he collapsed to the floor, falling asleep in a puddle of his own tears, fully clothed on the bathroom floor of his bus.”
Amber recalled that Granger texted her the following morning, saying he had had “an awful night,” drank too much and “came face to face with Satan.”
“He never shared with me that he came so close to pulling the trigger,” she wrote. “Not until three and a half years later.”
In April 2024, Smith announced on Instagram that he had decided to retire from country music and his summer “Like A River” tour, which was named for his late son, would be his last.
In an interview with Entertainment Tonight in August 2024, Granger recalled that he thought of his two older children — daughter London, now 14, and son Lincoln, now 11 — during the moment he was contemplating suicide.
“I had one thought and it was Lincoln and London, my two kids at home. That was the first thought that hit me,” he said. “I thought I just saw their faces and then I said, ‘Jesus, help me.'”
He explained that surrendering to his faith in that moment set him on his path to becoming a minister.
“I said, ‘Jesus, save me,’ and suddenly I felt life sort of stop for the first time,” Granger said. “The slideshow stopped. I slid the gun out of my hand and it hit the bank and I fell down on the floor and I was crying and I was horrified at my shame and my guilt and the weakness I was and the lack of strength that I had and the weak man I that I was. It all hit me at once and that was the beginning.”
Since River’s death, Granger and Amber, who welcomed their youngest son Maverick in August 2021, have become outspoken advocates for children’s water safety.
